Exposed

One thing that I find difficult in my current lifestyle is the great amount of exposure I have to deal with.

Several weeks ago I went with a friend to bring my cushion and pillow covers to a man down the street to have them stuffed. While language was a huge barrier between us (hence my friend coming along) we were able to come to an agreement on the material to be used and the price for his service. Truth be told, I was thrilled with the price and timetable for finishing the work as I had gotten a ‘local’ price quote. No inflation whatsoever! And then I found out why… 

At the end of the conversation my friend asked if he needed any information from me other than my first name – an address, phone number or some other form of communication perhaps? ‘No’ he replied. ‘I know who she is. I watch all of the foreigners around here and have known her for some time. She is welcomed here and I will do a good job for her.’

Now, on the one hand this is fabulous! I spend so much time here feeling like I don’t have a voice and yet simply by my comings and goings I have become known to my neighborhood (even this man who is not on my normal walking route). Through the way I dress, carry myself, interact with others, and the hours I keep I am able to communicate who I am at the heart of me.

On the other hand, this is kind of creepy. It’s also a LOT of pressure.

Imagine every time you walked out the door you knew that dozens of people, seen and unseen, were watching you. They were taking in your every movement and action; they considered what you wore and what time you came and went and then discussed it with their friends and neighbors. To me, this is the definition of exposed.

Now most days, this doesn’t bother me. It’s part of why I’m here! To dispel the myths of who and what I am and what they’ve been told or see on TV. On the other hand, after some time, this pressure builds up and can almost collapse like a house on top of you. It makes you leery to walk outside, suspicious of who’s watching and what they’re saying. 

It’s these times I have to remind myself to 1) get over myself, 2) remember that I watch people on the street as well and 3) be thankful that while I may not yet be able to converse fluently, I do have a voice.

I confess that today is one of those days that the prying eyes and pressure of being so exposed has gotten to me. It’s what led me to even share this much. Then again, by sharing this I’ve only exposed myself to an entirely different audience.

This is where my faith needs to step up and in, reminding me of who I really am and that the judgments of others are not what matters. It’s what’s in the heart that will carry me through each and every day whether built up or broken down. I will survive.

With love from Mayberry,

me

Time

Life here in Mayberry, N.A. is pretty good. The temps have lowered, the rains are setting in and on days that the sun makes an appearance, the sky is a bright blue. Today the bright blue is dotted with tall billowy clouds; snow white on top and heavy on the bottom. Almost as if they sailed over the waters to pick up refreshment for places further inland. It may sound like a small thing, but I’m so glad to live in a land where there are clouds.

One thing I hadn’t clearly remembered about this place, however, is time. Here, time is an enigma. Most things take so very much time and yet others speed by without time to catch your breath. But more than that, it’s the amount of energy involved in everyday living that saps me. Going anywhere includes a walk or taxi ride (most often both), the energy to remember how to get there and the language with which to do so. And that’s just getting there J  For me, two hours with the painter is enough to considerably lower my energy levels. Four hours of shopping in the market takes the energy of a 10 hour work day. And yet, I’m putting those together with other things and expecting to be bright eyed and bushy tailed?  Not possible.

Enter my friend Grace. Grace is a beauty that I need to spend more time with and want to be more like. Honest yet forgiving; granting ebb and flow in plans while not losing sight of purpose. Being gentle when the times become tough. These traits are what I long to embody to myself during these draining times.

Times where my mind runs, searching for the right word in the right language (my speech currently is a sad mix of three). Trying to remember how to get where I’m going; all the while I’m memorizing landmarks so the next trip will be easier. If I’m walking, it’s a mix of dodging traffic, traversing uneven sidewalks (most days the road is easier), not making eye contact with men but seeking out the faces of women. And the market! A cacophony of color, sound, sights and smells! It is a feast for the senses yet so overwhelming at times that I come away dazed at the wonder of it all.

All this to say that here, time has a different meaning than where I was once was. In short, time takes more energy than ever before. My to-do lists may remain long, but the expectation of how much can be done in one day has to be diminished. And that’s where Grace is such a great friend.

It’s my desire that I would take Grace with me wherever I go. Not just in these beginning stages but throughout my time living in Mayberry. I desire that she would be my constant companion. Not just for my own sake, but for the sake of others around me as well.

If you haven’t met Grace, I sincerely hope you meet her soon. For I couldn’t live this life without her and have confidence your life would be greatly enhanced by her presence as well.

With love,

me

P.S. On the upside, time with friends is not dictated by the clock but by how much we have to share with one another. That kind of schedule, I’m happy to keep!

Mayberry

Mayberry is a name that conjures up dusty roads, fishing poles, a close knit community – almost as if they were all family – and that catchy tune you just can’t help but whistle.

As I considered my new home, I recognized that I’ve found myself in just such a location, albeit with a modern twist.

The roads carry dust from the desert and if you go just a short bit out of the ‘big city’ dirt roads are the norm. Walking along the Atlantic, you’ll regularly see men and boys of all ages with their fishing poles and nets catching tonight’s supper.  

And as for tight knit…well it doesn’t get much tighter than here! Everyone knows everyone else and what the state of their union is. As a new comer I’m watched closely but over time, know that I too will be in some of these tight knight circles. And, with time and trust, I too, will be family.

As for the catchy tune, well five times a day a tune is broadcast throughout the city. It’s not something you’d whistle along to, but it’s as much a part of everyday life here as Andy saying grace before meals.

And so, because of all these (slightly creative) similarities, I believe I’ll think of this as my very own modern day Mayberry.  I know that things aren’t like ‘back home’ but that’s OK, because now this is home. 

Bienvenue au Mayberry!